For this assignment I attended a few Alcohol Anonymous meetings. I must say that I was pretty nervous because I went alone. I also thought it was interesting how nervous I was because I wasn’t even an alcohol addict or “one of them”. It actually made me wonder if new allies are nervous showing up at LGBT meetings. I will share some of the stories that really touched me and gave me new insights.
Person A share how this was his first 60 days out of incarceration and not being at a treatment center, but perhaps what meant most to him was that he was actually not trashed (wasted) when his young son came home from school and needed help with homework. And he was proud of himself that he was finally in a state to be a better dad.
Person B shared how his sister’s twins were scared of him and cried whenever he used to be around, but ever since he started sobering up, they cried because they didn’t want him to leave. He also shared how he actually didn’t actually want to share anything because he felt inadequate for his fear of relapsing so he felt that whatever he shared may no longer be valid in the next little while. However, his sponsor told him that it was important that he share whatever little successes he did have because recovery is not a one time thing, but a process. Now he even looks forward to meetings.
Person C shared that one of the hardest things is personal belief - believing that you can actually get sober and stay sober. If you don’t have this belief, you are essentially striving towards ‘nothing’, which would makes overcoming addiction impossible.
Person D shared that he started drinking because it removed the pain of isolation and loneliness and feeling like he didn’t fit in. Drinking actually also didn’t start so badly, but eventually it became a very powerful tool and destroyed his life. He thought he needed it to connect with the world. Now, he connects to a power greater than him instead, a power he calls God and he finds himself spiritually, physically, and emotionally connected. Today, he wakes up with hope, and without terror, remorse, fear, or guilt.
Person E shared that this is the first holiday season that she has felt happy in a long time. She too felt like an outsider for a long time, which is the reason why she started drinking in the first place. But ever since she started accepting herself, it has helped her overcome those feelings of being an outsider. She knew she needed to do the work, and believe in herself. She also believes in a higher power, and started believing in Him because she saw Him work in other people’s lives.
Person F shared that a year ago she was in a treatment center and did not imagine she would get here. She also shared that when you don’t want to go to a meeting, that’s probably the best time to go. Perhaps what scared her the most about finally being out of treatment was being ‘ready’ to go back to work and regular life, and it sacred her so much. She also believes in the work of a higher power. She added that often when you don’t feel like sharing something at a meeting, you probably should anyway because you never know if someone could use something you say. This has happened to her. Another time, she felt like she was going to go into a drinking relapse after a really long hard day, but then she saw another person’s AA sticker on their car and felt solidarity. She decided not to drink. Now she has the sticker on her car to pass it along because it represents honesty and openness, and it can help someone’s life when they see the sign of a fellow AA person.
Person G shared that something that really keeps her going is practicing her gratitude. She also wants to spend the holidays with her daughter because she has not been able to do so for a long time now given her addiction. She comes to these meetings to be surrounded by people who understand her and share her pain and struggle. She is grateful to people who choose to come out to these meetings or events instead of only staying in with their own families and loved ones.
Person H shared that he realized when he is sober while on his job at a drug treatment center, he is not only as normal as anyone can be, but also able to relate to patients on a very deep level that he couldn’t otherwise have been able to do if he were drunk. It allows him to better connect and empathize with people.
Person I shared that she has been in treatment for seven and half months. When she was drinking, she just felt numb. She hates feeling emotions and feeling vulnerable. Therefore she always sought out instant gratification which often came in the form of alcohol. While she resents herself for not having gone as far as she hoped in her recovery, the staff members give her hope. Seeing how far others have come also encourages her to keep pushing on. She believes that God believes that she can handle it. She is grateful for her trials and tribulations, as well as the times when she was doing and feeling well, and not wanting to be high. She believes that the higher powers can turn something ugly into something really beautiful because the answers are really within all of us.
I know this might sound incredibly silly, but a major point of disruption for me was realizing my own terribly inaccurate ideas about these people. I always thought AA would be a room with just a group seated in a group circle with some people who wanted to be there, and other who were required to be there so they were probably pretty reluctant to be there. I was basically expecting just an overall sense of down-ness and self-pity. But how it turned out was quite different from what I expected. Yes, it be sombre but certainly, I was quite taken by how positive and kind everyone made the place feel. I was really surprised by how many AA individuals expressed gratitude. Many of them also believe in some kind of a higher power in their lives, and majority of these people referred this as God to them. They thanked Him for helping them make it this far. And no, hardly anyone engaged in self-pity, but simply said they wanted and needed to do better.
This experience has taught me that I really don’t know what goes on behind the closed doors of the personal/domestic life of my students and their families. What if a child cannot study or complete their homework at home because the environment is not a conducive space? What if they had a drunk parent who drank irresponsibly and was potentially harmful all the time? This can easily result in a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem in my student.
I also really like the story of the AA sticker on the person’s car. It made me think about what can I do, say, or display on the first day of class to communicate to my students that I am a safe person to talk to. Furthermore I want to create an welcoming and charitable environment where my students feel like they fit in and belong, so that they don't have to feel like they need to turn to other vices like those of the adults.
