Being the "Other"

So I started out with a different introduction 'paragraph' which I have moved to the end of this post. Let's just say, this assignment turned out a little trickier than I thought because I realized that my entire experience at BYU really has been - being the "Other".

But as I thought more about it, well at the end of the day, the one thing that I do have in common with my peers is the very thing that brought us all, well, most of us here - being Mormon. So I decided, for the first time in my life, to attend another church to see what it was like.

I picked the First Unitarian Church of Salt Lake City. I was surprised at how intimidated I felt when I walked in, not because people were mean or unkind at all, but because I was worried about what they would think of me if they knew I was still Mormon. Prior to attending that Sunday, I had heard that this Church was very inclusive and that a lot of people who had left the Mormon church would attend here.

As I proceeded to look for a place to sit, it didn't help that, being racially different, I already stood out pretty fast (as I often do here) as much as I tried to place myself as quietly and inconspicuously along the side of the room. I could tell people were looking at me, although most of it would quickly turn to smiles.

What troubled you about the experience?

The service was definitely different in that it was more varied, a little less formal (though still reverent I'd say), and different kinds of people went up and expressed themselves to the congregation and God in different ways. I will say, I had a lot of apprehension the entire time, yet at the end of it, I remembered that just because something is different doesn't mean it's wrong. I knew I was uncomfortable because I have always experienced church in a very distinct and separate way. And the manner of our Church was so ingrained in me, that's why they say, being Mormon will always be in my DNA. Yet the experience was so troubling for me is that I've been so wired to believe that we are the ONE TRUE CHURCH. So even though I was welcomed at this other church, I constantly felt guilty for thinking that it didn't feel completely right to be there because they don't have the full gospel - even if they were good people. Whether people noticed that I seemed uncomfortable or not, it didn't matter because afterwards, people came up to me and they were really friendly and I really appreciated it. People who did not look like what my Mormon church often taught me about what 'good' people looked like, were so happy and sincere in their interactions.

This experience made me think back to an interesting thought I had a while ago. My friend Nicol came to BYU as a non-member student to attend the accounting program here. She was a Christian of a different denomination at the time and was not required to attend our church services on Sunday. However, she could not find her church here. Yet because she simply felt like she needed and wanted to be in a church on Sunday to worship God, she chose to attend a student ward anyway as much as she had her own reservations about Mormonism. This made me realize that in contrast, for Mormons, if we can't find our church in a place we are in, we just don't go.

So I might have gotten side-tracked a little bit. Well, I definitely felt out of place there but I coped by making an effort to engage in conversation with people - as I have always tried to do. I also try to remind myself that a lot of the situations where I am the "Other" is very circumstantial - like if you were a White American kid attending school in Asia. (But there are also a lot of situations where it's not circumstantial and the response is a result of people's upbringing and life experience, and they just don't know how to react with and to you).

What insights can you take into your future work as a teacher?

Through this and many other experiences of being the "Other", has really allowed me to gain empathy for others. And it has only made me want to make my future classroom a safe, inviting, normalized, and inclusive space for my students to express themselves regardless of how different they are from each other. I want my students to know that being different is what brings us together - being different is beautiful because it opens your mind and gives you new perspectives in life.

(Also, I do not have pictures because I was too nervous/anxious/scared to take any while I was there.)

Here's the former little intro of how I've lived as the "Other" in both being at BYU and even before I came to BYU really.

1. Being a non-white

2. Being a non-American/international student/foreigner

3. Being biologically assigned female at birth

4. Identifying as an agender individual

5. Being attracted to others of my same biological sex (however few of them)

6. Not looking and carrying myself like the most other females at BYU/in the church

7. Being the only Asian female who play intramurals basketball at BYU

8. Being an Asian female in the film program

9. Just having to go to the bathroom being an anxiety-ridden experience because you don't 'look' like you belong in there and other women do a double-take when you go in.

10. Wearing pants to church on Sunday because that's why I feel most comfortable in even though people stare (and think you're trying to make a statement).

I chose to include this in the end because it made me also think of the ways I am not the other:

1. I have friends

2. My roommates know I'm an LGBT individual and they are still nice to me

3. I have siblings and we love each other

4. I am in college

5. I am not homeless

6. I do not have to beg on the streets for a living

7. My apartment is warm and the roof is not leaking

8. I have clean clothes to wear to school everyday (if I do my laundry)

9. My professors like me

10. I am grateful to have a natural friendly disposition that allows people to feel like they can come talk to me